Spaceship 1.

Please look after that carefully.
Because I have no idea what to with it.
Look it’s clearly of alien origin.
We aren’t familiar with its workings.
Let me ponder on this while I chew this highlighter pen.
>Yes Captain.
Don’t look at me like that; I’ll chuck you out the airlock.
My Wife made me quit smoking.
Well she will, So I’d rather not start now.
Please call my wisest advisor to the bridge.
>But..
I don’t care, Dot Frakking Cotton is not as important as this
Do I need to mention the airlock again?
> (I have been on ’17 for 8 months and he has issued the airlock threat thrice hourly)
...
Ah friend...
>This had better be important...
Ah, MisterCran...
>Seriously...
Ah lieutenant...
>I mean, Yes Captain.
I need you to help me understand this alien artefact.
>I’ll do my best
I have no doubt
>Hmm it appears captain, that I, the wisest bastard on this can, cannot fathom this quite intriguing...
Intriguing?
>Intriguing- yes, I find it quite interesting, because I cannot fathom it.
AIRLOCK!
>Wait.. I know someone who might have a plan.
Who?
>Her name is Heather Damage.
Heather? Hahahahahahah...What kind of fra..
>Quiet you. She might just save us from oblivion. Word round the camp fire...
Camp fire?
>I mean Positron Reactive Ignition Cascade Kelvin.
Ah rumour mill.
>Yeah that, is that she, Damage, knows all about alien artifacts.
Arty cats?
>Artifacts, sir. I shall send for a plan right away.
Does she not need to see it?
>See what?
The artefact.
>She works by instinct, in fact I believe she may already have a bond with the artefact.
Amazing.
>Piss off you patronising prick.
Airlock!
>Ahem, Sorry captain.
Hey, Cran, I’m the captain how come I don’t know about this Damage chick?
>Because you don’t know about any.
Any chicks?
>People.
but I can out psychologise a Mongolian cat nap.
>Yes but you still wouldn’t know its name.
Intriguing.
...
So this is the plan?
>The plan.
This?
>This
The Plan?
>The Plan
From Damage?
>Indeed
The best at this kind of thing with alien artifacts?
>The best. The most instinctive.
What am I meant to do with it?
>Use it?
The best plan, from the best person, you say?
>The best, from the best.
You’re sure?
>Yes.
She’s the best?
>Yes the best..
Then..
>Yes.
WHY IS IT WRITTEN IN FUCKING CRAYON?