#3 (toast)

unpublished article on toast theory follows

TOAST theory.

You know that thing where if you have toast and it drops onto the floor, butter side down, ruining both a perfectly serviceable slice of toast and bodging up the old carpet simultaneously?

Tadaa! The answer to life's 17^th greatest mystery (I cannot name the sixteen more mysterious, nor can I be bothered to work them out, however, I am happy to concede that if there is one or two that I have missed, or you feel that this particular mystery deserves higher ranking, give us a shout!)

I digress, mystery seventeen solved! Don’t butter the toast. That way it will never land butter side down. Or you can butter the whole carpet to avoid the hassle of bothering to butter the toast if you are inevitably going to be dropping the bread. Another solution if dropping toast on buttered floor isn’t your cup of tea, what you could do is simply, eat a spoon of butter and eat the toast, getting the taste and texture of hot buttered toast sans carpet fluff.