This is your life
I'm not gonna talk about providence 'cause that involves God, and frankly no tale or thought process requires a DxM to solve all our problems. I mention cause it's a cool word that Morpheus from the Matrix says and vaguely fits in the theme of the following words.
Considering what garbage Saw 5 was, it's a miracle that Saw 6 isn't a complete waste of time. If you can tell, there's a giant weight hanging over that sentence, and that weight is a not inconsiderable "but".
Since the beginning of September I have been awaiting for a momentous occasion; the day the shop sells ice lollies/creams for 50% of the regular price. It's an important day, and when the day arrives, by golly it's time to cash in my friend. Out of the choice of anything but Magnums I choose strawberry tropical Calippo (it looks like the one over there) Here's what happened:
So I was eating the lolly, yeah. As you know over time the whole thing melts and a larger bit becomes liquid. Oh fuck there's a hole in the tube! Nuts! as time passes there's an increased the rate of liquid pouring all onto my desk, and all over the carpet. In order to minimise the mess made to floor/desk I decided to increase rate of consumption. The increased rate of consumption caused me to INHALE (literally) the juice of ice lolly. And my nose and throat chucked out remnants of ice lolly juice sporadically for the next half an hour. In addition to weird flavour snot I started choking on the liquid too. While choking i was mildly distracted, once the impending threat of death subsided, I realised I had been afflicted by another issue of eating ice lolly too fast. BRAIN FREEZE. Fuck the paiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin. I then ran to the washroom, chucking away the remnants of calippo ( :-( ) and I had to wash my hands of sticky liquid. Then I had to wait for the hand dryer because another man was using it.
The important thing though is this: I only paid forty pence for the privilige.
I win, right?
C
Fell In Love With a Girl (Youtube)
I love how the thing starts, a lovely fluty synthy almost like the pied piper is leading you into a merry dance, and then just as the melody gets a bit too sickly...
Boooooom
The bassline kicks in force undulating in the background while La Roux just about holds it together with an 80’s vocal singing about punctuation and laying your heart on the line. Slowly the baseline starts crumbling. The the time between the dips and highs of the bassline lumbering then stumbling, slower and slower and slower until the song can't take it any more and collapses under its own heaving weight.
Time for a turn around and resurrection: crash into a completely different direction, more snarey drums, but still a growling background of filth. The head nods smoothly, large movements everything becomes very deliberate.
The snares vanish, this is ending soon. Back to the undulations, vocals then...
Stop
SMASH!
Smacks it outta the park... with a dnb encore! As if the last 4 minutes of music have been a tease of brooding tension and menace; and just when things look bleakest and they finish--> here comes the pay off . Have minute 5 for free and let it all go like a mad man!
The cruise ship was huge, wood decked flooring from feet to infinity. The wood perfectly parallel and with an almost Satsuma luminescence. The deck was surrounded by a black ship with a distinct border but a fuzzy outline. The velvet purple sea span out forever with millions of mini snow peaks scattered across the water. until the bruise blue sky slashed it clean through.
The breeze tugged at each lock of hair as the wind streamed past, the resultant appearance that could only be described as Sven. Oddly, everything around the ship seemed still, like when dead people come to visit.
“everything will be okay” I said, (while making nonsensical buzzing sounds, that everyone knew the meaning of) while clutching a dagger, two scars on my cheek and facing sideways with a grimace on my face.
I repeated this pose infinitely, and it seemed to be the cool thing to do each time.
The sharklike demon soared out of the sea, it was black also (like the ship) but had multicoloured iridescent scars. Hundreds and thousands of scars. And then went crashed just as quickly back into the water.
There was panic. Except for me.
“everything will be okay” I said, (while making nonsensical buzzing sounds, that everyone knew the meaning of) while clutching a dagger, two scars on my cheek and facing sideways with a grimace on my face.
The Giraffes (2) were floating together in the sky, if they had hands they would be held together. The giraffes were floating in the sky like they lost their feet and they were skidding along ice. The giraffes had a serene grace that made blue ribbons trail behind them like they were slipping through toffee.
The giraffes spoke some words. Which probably sounded like the characters in Charlie Brown cartoons (kinda like the old school trumpet players – “Wah wah wa Wah Wah Waaah”). Their words/sounds made no sense but the meaning was clear like freshly melted glacier water.
I heard them say I don’t know what but I knew exactly what they said.
Wont six eou yereh wish swich maer drouy nireh d’nifyl nol luoy
The giraffes kept floating. Differently now. They were close. They were still holding hands and you could still see the deep affection. (they span gracefully in synchronicity) but it was a professional closeness. Next to the space where you could insert only a cigarette paper between their hands, were falling butterflies near the stomach of the of the taller (96 metre) giraffe.
THIS INEVITABLY TAKES ALL NIGHT TO PROCESS> FEELS LIKE SIX MINUTES
Kings build walls, moats and palaces to protect their souls from the inevitable invaders.
Oddly the walls, moats and palaces are still there when the king has vanished, morphed or is pushing up the daisies.
It ain't the obvious, direct or legendary attacks that cripple, but the minor actors or players. Or the sneaky cancer that slowly infects then consumes from the inside out.
This is the true route to destruction.
I spoke to the moon. She just smiled. With that face that’s just there, you know which one I mean, it is actually there. Some psychologists would poopoo the face and claim it is just your mind creating connections that are non-existent, in order to comfort blanket your way through the universe. Or your brain struggling to make sense of actual random stuff. (like white noise)
White noise… krrrfshhcrrrrkfffszzhhhhhhhhhhzfsfhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhkkrrrrrrrrrfffffffffsshesgbwssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssppffffffffffffffffhhhhhhhhhhhshfcrsh.
You know that thing where if you have toast and it drops onto the floor, butter side down, ruining both a perfectly serviceable slice of toast and bodging up the old carpet simultaneously?
Tadaa! The answer to life's 17th greatest mystery (I cannot name the sixteen more mysterious, nor can I be bothered to work them out, however, I am happy to concede that if there is one or two that I have missed, or you feel that this particular mystery deserves higher ranking, give us a shout!)
I digress, mystery seventeen solved! Don’t butter the toast. That way it will never land butter side down. Or you can butter the whole carpet to avoid the hassle of bothering to butter the toast if you are inevitably going to be dropping the bread. Another solution if dropping toast on buttered floor isn’t your cup of tea, what you could do is simply, eat a spoon of butter and eat the toast, getting the taste and texture of hot buttered toast sans carpet fluff.
Oh yeah that was it. I was gonna talk about my computer. In the train I have possibly the smallest proper computer here. Everyone else has a regular “boasting about a fifteen point four inch monitor” laptop. While I am proud to show off my 12 incher. :D
A person is carrying a polystyrene box. Polystyrene is a good insulator. It reminded me of those boxes that you keep hearts in before operations. I doubt she was carrying a heart. Possibly a vase. Or some kind of coffee. ]
Its cold and wet and about five past five on the fourth of December. If it was five past five on the fifth of may that would be a coincidence worth noting, as it were it is not and that coinkidink is still exactly (depending on your definition of exactly) 5 months and 1 day away.
Next, there was a dead body outside the train station today, as I was collecting my money from the machine des monies, the two people in front of me didn’t seem to notice or care about the bin liner wrapped body. There could only be two explanations
1) the two people in front were involved with the dastardly scheme, and felt that a non-chalant appearance near the body would deflect conspicion, (conspiracy-suspicion) this seemed likely until I realised that in my fear I was also acting quite cool around the body. I quickly thought of another explanation
2) it was a homeless person sleeping
I preferred number 2 as it meant the cops wouldn’t be involved (always a positive) also I saw the body move as if it was breathing. And telling the people in front of the cash point to shut the fuck up.
(you can sing this next line). There was a cool guy, with the sunnies and the black jacket. Trying to out Neo (can stop singing already) Mister Reeves. “Look at me I’m the baddest mofo in the world, no-the whole city”- he probably said to himself in the morning as he placed his bad ass dark glasses on at half past six in the morning.
Of course this image was appropriately broken by the man swearing like he needed to say at least a million expletives before nine o clock to honour some contract with the devil. As he was swearing he was ranting about a taxi (in Gujarati which gave the whole incident an even cheesier bollywood feel to it) and then in comedic fashion dropped his bus pass, ran fifty yards and ran back, (swearing all the way no less).
I laughed at him. I felt guilty about this after a bit because the poor man was obviously fucked over somehow (possibly by the aforementioned taxi). I chuckled, aloud to myself, in the middle of the city centre. This made me feel a little self conscious, as I was mocking a “madman” yet I was talking to myself and laughing aloud- this moment of self awareness made me stop.
The order things happened does not imply the order that they are written. (or the other way round)
"Welcome” said the devil.
"Where are my white sheets" said iDiva
We don’t do white here, only blue. Or a dash of red.
But I need white. White white white. Someones gonna get fired for this.
Someones gonna get fired all right.
Wha.. whatever I’m not going in there, not without my white sheets, it’ll fuck up my aura
Fuck up your aura? That’s cute.
Cute, whaddaya mean cute?
Nevermind. Look I’m not here do debate with you. Frankly I don’t actually realize why the fuck I’m even having these words with you. It is strange.
Strange?
Well let me put it this way. When I said, “welcome”, that’s as far as everybody ever gets.
Gets where?
Why don’t I show you… J
Has anyone seen the picture "Chop Suey" by Edward Hopper? it is essentially a picture of two women eating in a restaurant (chop suey) with a cup of tea as well. (im really getting into tea right now, also tea+milk=wrong)Pablo is your every day general working class kinda guy approaching middle age and lives in Australia. likes the obvious things in life going to a bar ( in this case called the Leaky Tree) with his friends Chaz, Bob and Alan. He also wants to get laid before he dies. And hates films such as Arachnophobia. Pablo also happens to be a black widow spider. {in a curious aside IS a male BWspider called a Black widow spider??}
In the Leaky Tree one night are Chaz, Bob and Pablo over a pint of ant-juice just having a general conversation
Bob: Hey has anyone seen Al' recently? i knew he was going out with that Gina chick but I haven't seen him since last Tuesday
Chaz: yeah I ain't seen him either, maybe She doesn't let him go to the bar with us any more- shame.
Pablo- wait a minute he was going out with her for weeks before he stopped coming, i remember clearly last week he was boasting about how he thought he was gonna be "In There" last Tuesday night.
B: good point, that's interesting, because a mate of mine-goes to a different bar- also mysteriously disappeared the night he met this chick at the bar.
P:hmm i have a date tonight with the lovely Sarah, do you reckon i should cancel?
C: SARAH?!? Man no way should you cancel She's SOOOO hot.
B: be careful though there seems to be a bit of a plague of these Psycho Hunnies around at the moment.
P: possibly – Sarah seems nice though, I don't think she'd do that….
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